I am so blessed to have the mother that I do. She was an amazing beauty in her day, but her beauty within trumps her physical beauty, and is ageless. She is the warmest, sweetest, kindest, most generous person you’d ever want to meet, and her ability to love unconditionally knows no bounds.

Growing up she and my father divorced when I was around 2, and for a couple years it was just she and I. She was only 21 when she found herself a single mother, and she did what she needed to provide for me. To hear her tell it I was a happy little guy, and considering all of the change that happened at that early time in my life, I think my jovial disposition was a direct reflection on my mother. She eventually remarried, and the reason she opened herself up to the man that she did was because he took an interest in me. He even included me on some of their dates. Smart dude, because all her other suitors didn’t really consider me, and trust me when I say she had her pick. Now my stepfather and I clashed as I grew up, but that’s another story, and not the focus of this blog.

Throughout my childhood my mom was loving, nurturing, and kind. She gave me a very long leash, and always said she didn’t worry about me because she always knew I would be okay. That I would take good care of myself. Quite self-esteem building, don’t you think? When I eventually came out, we created a safe environment where she could ask me any question, however crazy or silly she felt it was, without me taking offense, reacting or judging. It was such a wonderful exchange, and it really enabled us to get closer and allowed her to open up her perspective on things and increase her level of understanding through her love for me.

Everything that I threw her way, she never judged, never made me feel bad, never qualified her love for me. Oh and let us not forget. Hi mom. I did porn! She was glad when I got out, but she never let that experience shake who she knew me to be. All the haters out there can hate all they want. I had the undying, unconditional love of my mother, so kiss my ass!

I just wanted to take a moment to honor and give much respect to the dearest, sweetest, most beautiful woman, Donna, who is my mother. I will love you forever, and never ever forget. I am who I am today and able to love unconditionally because you showed me the way. Walking down this road with you right now, that is riddled with obstacles of pain, frustration, difficulty and loss, you shine so bright and remind me every second of every day of your big beautiful heart. I am honored and blessed to be here with you now. I’m thankful to be an active participant in your care giving, and to make you feel as safe as I possibly can, the way you have for me all of my life. The physical effects of this journey have no influence on that beautiful woman I have emblazoned in my mind and heart! I see you, Mom, and always will, but I will miss you and your beautiful spirit so much. Words just can’t express it. 

Adult Guyd: To Her, with Love

So I’ve been spending more time on the West Coast the past five months or so for a number of reasons, one being my mother. She’s almost 70 and has been going thru a lot lately, with one of the most difficult things being addressing and treating cancer. The diagnosis is good, but the radiation and hormone therapies she’s on, in addition to some other medical issues she has, makes the process very difficult for her. The day-to-day challenges are dynamic and ever changing.

As our parents age, the realities of life and death become more and more a part of our experience. The challenges of helping them with their struggles, and providing them with the support they need to better manage their illnesses become more difficult as they grow older. It can also bring out family dynamics and issues and magnify them. The stress of deciding what’s best for an aging loved one, making choices that best suit their needs and the needs of the family can at times be overwhelming.

Everyone, I believe, has the best of intentions. Sometimes, though, as good as our intentions may be, we try and take things on that are beyond our ability to really manage. At a certain point, when a parent’s needs become greater than the family’s abilities, difficult decisions need to be made, not only for the sake of the parent, but also for the family that is supporting them.

I love my mom dearly, and will do anything I can to help her, as will my brothers. I’m taking it a day at a time, and truly empathize how difficult this time is for her. My brothers and I are communicating with one another to make the shifts necessary to ensure that she has the best quality of life possible through all of this. It’s just tough. No one should carry the brunt of the responsibility, and at times, that’s happened, not by choice, but because of logistics.

This issue comes to most people at some point. It’s daunting on so many levels. I think in as much as we want to do everything we can, we need to be mindful of what we need to do for ourselves through it, otherwise resentment and anger can come about. Things are hard right now for people, and for many, the ability to save for the future is more and more difficult. No one can afford to completely give up their life to care for an aging loved one, and I don’t think the loved one would want that anyway. Their concern for their family’s well-being and future is ever present. I know my mom is concerned about my brothers and me, and at times feels bad that she needs us as much as she does right now. Of course, we’re going to do what we can to make sure she’s okay and comfortable, but the journey is riddled with challenges and ups and downs. Communication, as always, is key to figuring things out. 

Keep talking people!!

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford and Mom

So the video for my current single, “Let Me Live Again,” has finally hit the airways and I couldn’t be happier! This is my eighth music video (in chronological order): “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” (2004), “The Way You Love Me” (2007), “The Way You Love Me/Blue Door Edit” (2007), “That’s Me” (2008), “Tug of War” (2008), “Losing My Religion” (2010), “No One/Matty Soulflower Mix vob” (2010), and now “Let Me Live Again.” Each video is special to me in its own way, and I’ve been really blessed to have done them all!

“Signed, Sealed, Delivered” was my first video (with Pepper MaShay), and exciting to do! The experience wasn’t what I had expected, and although everyone had the very best intention, the shoot was not well laid out. It got progressively more and more stressful as the clock ticked away, and we essentially ran out of time and didn’t get to do everything we really wanted to do. It was ultimately all good, but the experience definitely left me wanting more.

My next video for “The Way You Love Me,” directed by the talented Tony Sellari, was a blast! Simple and so much fun to do, and the energy on set was really great! After that came the video for “That’s Me” (featuring Cazwell) that was directed by my buddy, the amazing Joe Oppedisano, and produced by Digital Kitchen out of Chicago. The shoot took a couple of days, and was definitely more in line with the fantasy I had of making a music video. Joe and I always work great together, and I thoroughly enjoyed the process and was so happy with the end result.

The next one, “Tug of War,” was the biggest and most involved video that I had ever done. It truly was what I had fantasized about, with dancers, several different sets, uber-styled and a big ‘ol soundstage. My dear friend, the brilliant Carl Byrd, directed it, and he and his production company, Carl Byrd & Co., produced it. It was so well laid out and the storyboard was so tight that we were able to shoot the entire video in one day. A real testament to Carl and his staff’s talent.

A whole bunch of dancers and a female and male model were all on point and seriously working it out. By the way, the male model is my partner, Angelo Petheryotis. We had just started dating at the time, and I can tell you that he had to go meet with the casting director and got the gig on his own merits. I followed that up with the video for “Losing My Religion,” also directed by Carl Byrd and produced by his company. All of the wonderful people he has bringing their immense talents to the table once again turned it out.

I also did two acapella videos that we’re filmed by another talented director, Bart Everly. Both were cover tunes, and after we shot an acapella version of Alicia Keys’ “No One,” I went into the studio and recorded separate vocals, which my manager, Bill Coleman, then took and gave to a couple remixer/producers who worked their magic. The mixes got release, and a video was made from the footage Bart took to the “Matty Soulflower Mix” of the song.

And here we are. I met with the gifted Marco Ovando at the end of 2012 to discuss ideas for the video for “Let Me Live Again.” He wanted to capture an esthetic that paid homage to Tom of Finland and those great videos from the ‘80s and ‘90s that we all know and love. Marco directed it, Marco Ovando Studio and Peace Bisquit produced it, Athena Maroulis edited/filmed it, casting my partner, Angelo, Nik Ripley, Rogan Richards, Shernita Anderson, and Vanessa Soudan, and bringing in an amazingly talented group of artists. Please check it out, and be sure to wait and see the credits after the music stops. All the talented people who helped to make this video what it is, including some of my Kickstarter supporters, are given their props!

For more information on Colton Ford, visit his facebook page or follow him on Twitter. All of Colton’s music is available on iTunes. Photo: Marco Ovando.

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford Lives Again!

Now let’s talk about celebrities and bad behavior. I’ve seen it firsthand and I’ve heard some pretty crazy stories about it in both mainstream entertainment and adult entertainment. It’s like people have lost their damn minds, or at least the ability to keep things in the proper perspective. And I should say that when I’m talking about something I’ve heard, I’m referring to friends whom I know and trust providing information based upon personal experiences. Hearsay is not going to influence my opinion.

I’m not sure why it happens, or how people can get so caught up and lost in their own persona that they forget where they came from, or what’s real. Like they don’t think that it smells when they leave the restroom! I guess you can equate having a level of fame to potentially having a drug problem. It can catch you, take you to places you don’t necessarily want to go, and skew your perception of reality that you may never get back, if you let it.

In the adult-film industry I’ve witnessed the full spectrum of behavior, from people talking about themselves in the third person as if they were part of a royal family or something, to expecting people to know who they are everywhere they go, to trashing hotel rooms like they’re fucking rock stars. They’ve lost their sense of perspective and gratitude, and can’t see past their new-found fame to remember what it’s all about.

In mainstream entertainment, I’ve heard about stars who don’t want anyone to look at them when they come into a room. Now what the fuck is wrong with you to think you shouldn’t even be looked at when you’re out, especially when the nature of your job is all about exploiting your image/talent and making people aware of you and what you do.

Or those stars who have to speak through their assistants to you, even though you are standing right next to them. Knock knock. Who’s there? Crazy! That’s crazy people. I don’t care who you are, if you think that you’re so above people to not want to deal with them directly, even when you’re doing business with them, you need to chickity check yourself! Ridiculous and obnoxious! If you’ve been so blessed to be recognized and revered for what you do, and receive the great fortune and opportunities that can come with it, you need to be walking in gratitude on a daily! It is a blessing that again is a result of the support of your fans.

Now that’s not to say that there aren’t going to be certain situations that dictate putting up some boundaries, and sometimes getting forceful when a level of respect is missing. I get that. And one’s children should be off limits. There is a level of propriety and respect that should be a given to everyone, but to walk around thinking that your shit don’t stink and that you don’t owe anyone an ounce of your time and respect when your career of choice relies on their support, is not understanding what you signed up for. It can be difficult of course, but it comes with the job.

It’s easy for people to call celebrities and other people in the public eye difficult and say that they’re full of themselves; they’re easy targets. But I do think that some get a bad rap for just having a high level of expectation of themselves and the people they work with. After all, if you are your brand, someone not doing their part on your team makes you look bad, not them. It’s the star that takes the brunt of failures and mistakes, even though those things may be a result of someone on their team fucking up or falling short.

I know when I find someone whose talent I truly admire and whose success I really respect, acting inappropriately, disrespectfully, and rudely to people just because they are who they are, their talent doesn’t shine as bright for me. Someone who has such an amazing talent and gift, but diminishes it by being difficult just because they can? Sad. Therapy anyone?

For more information on Colton Ford, visit his facebook page or follow him on Twitter. All of Colton’s music is available on iTunes. Photo: Marco Ovando.

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford’s Bad Behavior

In my last blog I talked about the loss of some of my porn brethren and the misperceptions of people who have done porn. One thing that comes with the whole adult film experience are all the haters, but that’s true for anyone who is in the public eye and has a certain level of celebrity. We see it everyday in the tabloids and on all of the entertainment shows on TV.

The “A” listers are prime targets as they are so visible and seem to have everything. I really don’t pay too much attention to it, recognizing that anyone who is coming at someone they don’t know with hatred, venom, and negativity is revealing more about himself or herself and where they’re at in their life and process. I’m very Four Agreements with it, which I’ve referenced before. It’s a great book and an easy read, and rings so true.

Gay men in particular seem to have a really tough go at supporting one another, especially supporting individuals and couples that are in the public eye and appear to be living the life. We all know that appearances can be deceiving! Now I’m not saying that there aren’t those who are happy and supportive when they see other gay men succeed, or see a happy and successful gay couple and feel inspired by them. They’re definitely out there, and I personally have so appreciated receiving and feeling that love and support doing what I’m doing! It’s something that encourages me, motivates me, and represents to me that I’m reaching people and having an impact.

There are, unfortunately, a contingency of our population that moves in the opposite direction. They seem to go out of their way to lash out in anger and jealousy, and instead of being supportive and happy, they tear down, ridicule, and dismiss.

I know from my own experience that what I’ve done and what I’m doing doesn’t sit well with some. It seems that my porn background prevents certain people from wanting to see past it and accept the other things that I do, or even respect my right to chose to pursue these things. Comments have covered the spectrum from people feeling that I have no musical ability to wanting me to go back and do the only thing they feel that I’m good at—sucking cock and getting fucked.

I even have a capella mixes out there (mixes and videos where I’m singing without any backing track whatsoever), and I still receive comments that I can’t sing and to “please stop.” Silly really. I’ve been singing all of my life and have had so many amazing moments creating music and performing. There’s nothing anyone could say to me that would shake my knowing that part of myself, and knowing that I’ve been given the gift of music. And no one will stop me from doing what I want to do. I make my decisions based on the things that resonate and are important to me.

One of the things I couldn’t have imagined when I was doing porn is what it would be like if I ended up with someone in the future that hadn’t done porn. Angelo and I are monogamous, and I value the boundaries that we’ve set for our relationship, to protect it and keep it healthy and as free from certain stresses as possible. The reality is that there is a very personal part of me that I will never be able to keep just for him and him alone. The imagery is out there, and there is nothing that I can do about that for him.

I’m not ashamed of what I’ve done, but I’m empathetic towards him and what he has to deal with being with me. I have some truly wonderful fans who come to me with nothing but love, support, and admiration. It’s a gift that I don’t take for granted, but even with their good intentions, some will come up and say things to me while my partner and I are having breakfast, for example, that aren’t really what I want to hear in that moment, let alone my partner. He didn’t sign up for that!

Now, Angelo was a big fashion model for ten years, and still models for special coffee table books and projects, so he’s in the public eye as well, has fans of his own, and understands what it’s all about. It’s just sad to us that even though we come from a kind place and appreciate those that support us and what we’re doing, that some truly despise us and wish us ill. I think this is an issue beyond just the gay community, to the world at large. Anyone who puts themself out there is going to get the full spectrum of response, good, bad, and indifferent. You’ve got to be thick-skinned and ready for all of it. It comes with the territory, and I feel, provides the balance.

We receive many positive, lovely, and kind people who are truly complimentary, supportive and happy for us. The haters keep it real. If you start believing that everyone loves you and thinks you’re the shit, you’re fucked! Hello. It’s all subjective. I just wish that as a community we could overcome the shame and negativity that we’ve been beaten over the head with throughout our lives, and see ourselves as entitled to be exactly who we were born to be. Gay and happy to be so! That we could come together in a more supportive and united way, understanding that these challenges connect us all, and can be used to better understand one another and have a sense of empathy towards each other.

Those people who are brave enough to do what they do openly and unapologetically should inspire all of us, and we should do what we can to encourage them and support them. With regard to all the haters out there, I hope that there is a point in their process where they can see beyond their pain to embrace all the good and positivity around them, and that they can be comforted by those who are fighting the good fight and not hiding. Those that are being bold and proud to be doing what they do and do it openly and powerfully.

For more information on Colton Ford, visit his facebook page or follow him on Twitter. All of Colton’s music is available on iTunes. Photo: Marco Ovando.

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford on the Reality of Being Real

With the recent news of Wilfried Knight’s suicide, which was preceded by Arpid Miklos’ suicide, and prior to that, Eric Rhodes’ death, I wanted to chime in on my thoughts and feelings as I’ve been asked numerous times about what I think about it all. I can say that the whole thing makes me very sad.

I knew Arpid and Eric socially, really, with all of us having done porn and periodically running into each other at different events. In fact, a couple of years ago I did a cover for Attitude Magazine’s “Sex Issue,” where they had a group of porn stars all together on a fold-out cover. It was shot in pieces, and my group consisted of Eric, Arpid, and me. It was a fun shoot, and both of these guys were sweet and enjoyable to be around. I liked both of them. The fact that the three of us shot together and now the two of them are gone is a little trippy.

Arpid was always very sweet, kind, a handsome and a masculine man. I had no idea that he was so conflicted and struggling so deeply with his life. My experiences with Eric were always cool, but I was aware of his struggles because of his very detailed blog where he made it known that he was very disillusioned with his life and that he struggled with feeling worthless and not loved.

In one of his blogs he even stated that he was going to call it quits at 30, which is how old he was when he died. When in his company, though, I didn’t get a sense of that, and to look at him you wouldn’t surmise that he was struggling. It’s a dramatic reminder with both of these guys of the truth that we can’t judge a book by its cover. A person’s appearance doesn’t reveal what’s really going on inside. I didn’t know Wilfried Knight, but saw him out and about. I didn’t know about his story, so after reading it I was struck with just how tragic it was.

I think one of the reasons why people asked me about my feelings regarding their deaths is that we had all done porn, and having had that experience, if I felt that that was part of the reason why they are no longer with us. I certainly don’t think that doing porn is a catalyst to cause someone to be suicidal or have a death wish per se. I feel that to be in a place of such despair that you can’t see past it, or are unable to tap into any sense of hope around it, there must have been things that existed before that fueled their sense of hopelessness. Becoming a porn star can potentially magnify those things, though.

I think that the perception of being a porn star doesn’t necessarily factor in all the challenges that can come with having that experience. You’re put on a pedestal for your physicality and persona, objectified, wanted, despised, and ridiculed. It can be a lot to process.

There’s also the potential to get caught up in the party, which can take you if you let it, making things that much more difficult to process. It can challenge you when your time is up, when a new sensation or hottie of the moment comes along, especially if your identity is completely attached to your persona.

And as we’ve seen over and over again, that happens with stars in mainstream entertainment as well. Doing porn can also create a prejudice against you that doesn’t allow you to be perceived in any other way than just a sex worker in the eyes of some, making it that much more difficult to move forward and do other things.

I understand, as I’ve been a singer, songwriter, and actor all of my life, and my short 10-month stint 11 years ago in the adult entertainment industry is still attached to me as if I did it yesterday, and seems for some to trump my 30-plus years making music and performing. I accept that and can deal with it, but it doesn’t mean that it’s always easy, or that it doesn’t annoy me from time to time. What I felt was an adventure going into it in 2001 is much more far reaching than I could have imagined. And I was 39 at the time I decided to have the experience, and had a good sense of myself going in. And before I went for it I thoroughly thought about the repercussions and attachments that would come with it for the rest of my life.

You don’t really know what that’s going to look like or how you’re going to feel about it when you’re done with porn, or when you’re 10 years older, or 20 years older, for that matter. It is what it is, but I can understand how it can potentially plague you when you know that you’re more than just that one experience and you’re ready to move on, and yet some people aren’t able to see past it. Perhaps that was one of the things these men were struggling with.

Whatever drives someone to suicide, or to act destructively as if having a death wish, goes way deeper than any one experience they may have had. It truly goes to the core of how they feel about themselves, and their ability to manage the pain that they’re in enough to see beyond it and see that there is always hope. To be in so much pain that the only way out of it in their mind is to take their life is something that is driven by many things that only the individual will truly know. I don’t judge these men. I feel for them, feel saddened for their loneliness and helplessness, and hope that they’ve found the peace that was so difficult for them to feel at the end of their lives. RIP.

For more information on Colton Ford, visit his facebook page or follow him on Twitter. All of Colton’s music is available on iTunes. Photo: Marco Ovando.

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford on Arpid, Eric, and Wilfried, and the Perception of Porn

Okay, so here we go with an observation. Stay with me here. We know so much about our universe, which in my opinion should affect how we perceive ourselves in it, and yet we still hold onto things that I believe don’t fit within it anymore.

It’s understandable the challenges that we have to truly digest everything. History, tradition, our inability to fully grasp the facts in front of us are just some of the things that can make it overwhelming. We just don’t have the mental capacity to process it all in a way that makes sense and feels comfortable. It’s a shit show of volatility out there, and BIG!

We know that the universe is around 14 billion years old. We know that the visible universe has at least 100 to 200 billion galaxies. There are an estimated 10 to the 24^th stars in the universe. That’s one followed by 24 zeroes. The size of a typical galaxy is 3,260 light years to 326,000 light years across. For perspective, a light year measures the distance that light travels in a vacuum in one year, which is approximately 5.88 trillion miles. With the best time we can expect to clock with our current space travel technology, it would take about 81,000 years to travel one light year.

We know of things such as Black Holes that defy our understanding of physics. Suns that are hundreds of times larger than our own, the largest known star being a thousand times bigger than our Sun. Keeping in mind that our Sun can fit one million of our Earths, that star could fit one billion Earths in it. We know that the density of a neutron star is about a billion tons per teaspoon of matter. I could go on and on.

Shifting to biology, we know that life on this planet exists in the most hospitable places imaginable. Just when we think we’ve discovered the most improbable environment where life could exist, we’re surprised by new discoveries that push that envelope even further. It’s also a known fact that where there is water, there is life. There is more and more evidence of water, frozen and even perhaps not frozen, out in the universe. All this knowledge has led the vast majority of scientists to surmise that life in the universe is probable, and probably common. Suffice it to say that the more we discover, the more we realize how little we know about everything.

Now if you believe in a higher power, and you believe that this higher power is responsible for creating everything, how can you reason organized religion into the mix with what we know about the Cosmos? How can you apply terrestrial-based rules of religion to life that is not terrestrial-based? These non-terrestrial life forms more than likely wouldn’t be going to church every Sunday, or be repenting for their sins or only eating Kosher. Hmm. How could they get to heaven?

Let’s let go of the ridiculous ego of us humans to think that somehow life forms that have been around 100,000 years longer than we have, or 1,000,000 years, would be down with what we’ve come up with regarding a high power. Besides, wouldn’t they be more apt to have the latest and greatest from God and a tighter relationship, as they’ve been aware of Him longer?

How can you believe that the higher power would care whether or not you love someone of the opposite sex or someone of the same sex, knowing the vastness of space and everything the Creator has put in it? How can you believe that this higher power gives a shit about whom you love? If believing that He is the maker of all, how can you say that one of the things that this perfect, all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful creator made was a mistake or wrong? Aren’t we all created in His image? Are you saying that true love is conditional?

How can you believe that this universal power would make these judgments and would be concerned with a truly inconsequential issue in the universal scheme of things? Don’t you think that at the end of a universal day, Daddy Creator had a bunch of other shit to deal with that was way more important and impactful on His universe than a lot of the bullshit us humans get caught up in?

We have the Religious Right and conservatives arguing that gay marriage would ruin the sanctity of marriage. That it is a sacred exchange in the light of God, and that to allow homosexuals to participate in holy matrimony would devastate the institution of marriage. I wonder if any of them have tuned into The Bachelor (hello Elisabeth Hasselbeck), where 20 women compete to win the hand of The Bachelor in marriage. How Divine. It’s amazing to think that there are people out there who feel that a real love between two men or two women isn’t valid, and view it as not worthy of recognition by God, but they don’t see how ridiculous The Bachelor is, and how it diminishes the holy sanctitude of marriage that they’re supposedly trying to uphold. Hypocritical, and what a wonderful way to revere that holy exchange, eh?

Let’s not even talk about the statistic that 41% of all marriages in America end in divorce, and homosexuals have had no part in creating that. Actually, the divorce rate for first marriage is 41%, for second marriage, 60%, and for third timers it’s 73%. Great stats!

My point to all this is that perspective is a mother fucker. You can turn your back and ignore what’s staring you down, but at some point we’re not going to be able to do that anymore. I think irrefutable evidence is coming that will finally turn the tide. If you’re using religion to perpetuate hate and discrimination, then you’re truly working in opposition of what God or a higher power represents. Jesus loved everyone, yet we have people who claim him as their savior and then live in opposition of what he preached and represented.

What’s worse is when people hide behind religion to justify their position. How many have died in the name of religion? How many more need to die and/or suffer from it? I find it very ironic that we have religious organizations with enormous power, money, and resources, protecting their interests like a corporation would, ignoring the needs of the many. How is that holy or Divine?

You can’t take in all that we know, truly take it in as fact, and not change the way you view things to reflect it. If you do, you’re living in that ignorant place of denial. Preventing people from voting because it would cause your interests to be compromised, denying people the same rights afforded to you because you don’t understand them or want to, robbing people of their livelihood so you can acquire even more wealth and material things. That’s working in opposition of God. Hello!

We’re a speck, deal with it and recognize that we are all in this together, and we’re stronger and better united! We live in a vast, infinite universe, and getting caught up in the minutia doesn’t reflect the awesomeness of the higher power. It only reflects your inability to honor and love it!

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford on the Church of Science and Ideology

So I was watching Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston, and subsequently her interview with Cissy Houston on OWN. Wow! The first thing I thought when I started watching was just how many amazingly talented and gifted individuals, who have realized substantial success, have been tortured in one way or another, living very difficult lives with huge extremes, from amazing to tragic.

I remembered when Whitney first hit, and what a force she was. She was so fucking lovely and sang her ass off! She crossed over in such a tremendous way, and I don’t think any of us can really imagine how difficult it must have been for her to take in that level of success, process it, and handle it, all at 22 I might add.

She hit the scene and hit it hard, and with that came a lot. The expectations that were placed on her were enormous and beyond her ability to manage. I really felt for her when she was talking about how difficult it was for her to be the perfect superstar diva all the time; the one that everyone expected her to be. It was an image created for her career, but was not who she really was and just too much for her to live up to.

She had mentioned Michael Jackson and what a tragedy his death was. Makes you think about what went down with him. So talented. So tortured. Guess we’ll never really know the truth, but if you were in his shoes and something was slung at you that wasn’t true, and you knew that there was enough doubt in the public eye for it to take wings and soar, how would you handle it? We’re talking about bullying on a global scale. That’s a huge undertaking.

We’ve heard so many stories about tortured artists, and the difficulties of celebrity and stardom, and yet we live in a world that still desires to be famous. The attraction and lure of the illusion of what celebrity brings is so intoxicating that I think we ignore the realities of what comes with that kind of experience. You can get a lot of things when you have a public persona, some of which can be really cool. You also, however, have to deal with all of the other things that we hear about that are very complicated and not always grounded in something real or healthy.

The nature of creativity isn’t stable. The creative experience isn’t stagnate. The business of valuing and selling art in all its forms has no template. It’s full of all kinds of obstacles and is very dynamic, and that can make for a very challenging career and life. If you have the desire for art, and to pursue a career and try and make a living doing it, be strong and get ready for a bumpy ride!

For more information on Colton Ford, visit his facebook page or follow him on Twitter. All of Colton’s music is available on iTunes. Photos: Kevin McDermott.

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford on Fame and Unfortunate

So are you with me in recognizing how we are being screwed in so many ways in our world today? It doesn’t seem that we can go anywhere, or buy anything, without being charged up the ass. It’s capitalism run amuck. We can’t piss in some places without paying for it!

I’m out in Cali driving to my friend’s house and turn onto a toll road.  The whole toll road experience is new to me. I have five $1 bills, so I think I’m good and I pull up to the automated toll to find that it only accepts coins. I’m thinking what the fuck! Shit! I have more than the $1.25 required, but I don’t have any change. Meanwhile, the cars are stacking up behind me, so there’s no turning back.

Quick thinker that I am, and not shy, I get out of my car and approach the car behind me asking if they have change for a $1. They of course don’t, but tell me to roll on thru and I will get a bill in the mail, and if it’s the first offense, that all I’ll have to do is pay the ticket and probably a $10 fee. I proceed onto the freeway and drive to the exit I’m supposed to get off at and find myself rolling up to another automated toll requiring $1.25 to exit the freeway. Again, what the fuck! I proceed without paying and drive to my destination. Weeks later I get a letter in the mail from the toll road company, and do you know that the penalty for not paying the $2.50 total is a total of $115 ($57.50 per occurrence). Ridiculous! My brother accidentally turned right on a red light that said no right turn on a red. He was fined $500.  Ridiculous!

How about this? I was at a party in NYC and wanted to buy my partner and myself a cocktail, and gave my credit card. The bartender said that they couldn’t take my card unless I was spending $50 or more. I was like, what the fuck! There’s a theme going on here if you hadn’t noticed. He proceeded to tell me that there was an ATM downstairs, so I went to find the ATM to take out some money. The fee to extract money out of my account? $12. What the fuck! I wasn’t going to pay that, and so we bailed out. Ridiculous!

Seriously, this is getting out of control. Have you looked at your cell phone bill lately? Fees, taxes, surcharges, teleconnect fund, universal lifeline, relay service device fund, etc. Who knows what the fuck these charges are for, but we’re paying ‘em. Or how about airlines charging for carry on bags. Yes carry on! I even heard at one point that airlines were considering charging to use the bathroom. Fuck it. Pee in the aisle! Wait, didn’t I hear on the news that someone did that, or was it in a waiting area at a gate at LAX? No matter where you look prices are going up.

I’m all good with businesses making a profit, but there needs to be some consciousness around it. I think that greed is ruining our economy and our world. We’ve got the powerful protecting themselves and their interests at the expense of the masses. The needs of the few outweighing the needs of the many. Oil companies and banks seem to be doing just fine! Welcome to our modern world!

Now if you’ll excuse me, my plane just took off and I need to find my debit card to give to the flight attendant so I can pay $6 to watch TV, $1.50 for a small bottle of water, and $2.50 to get into the bathroom to go pee!

For more information on Colton Ford, visit his facebook page or follow him on Twitter. All of Colton’s music is available on iTunes. Photos: Kevin McDermott.

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford’s Ridiculous Journey

So let’s talk about gay marriage shall we? Can you believe that in the 21^st Century this is a huge issue? What the fuck?! Seriously, could people who have an issue with it be any more mis-directed and shallow? It’s fucking ridiculous.

Don’t fool yourself; we still live in a very homophobic, racist country. And I added the latter because of what we just saw in our last election. Thank God there were enough people who saw through the bullshit and voted Obama in for a second term!

So back to gay marriage. Like who I marry has any impact on the narrow-minded, right-wing conservatives who can’t see past their own fear to recognize that homosexuality has been around since as far back as we can see, and is a part of the human condition. Accept it and get the fuck over it. I also love these people pontificating on their fear that allowing gay marriage would ruin the institution of marriage. Anybody got any smelling salts for these comatose sleepwalkers who aren’t keeping up with statistics?

In February 2012 PolitiFact.com stated that “the overall probability of marriages now ending in divorce falls between 40% and 50%.” Good job, heteros! And how about our House of Representatives voting to continue to fund the Bipartisan Legal Advisory Group to continue its work to defend the constitutionality of section 3 of DOMA in court, using taxpayer dollars, I might add. Unbelievable!

Now I understand and don’t judge that relationships have their ups and downs, and sometimes people have to go their separate ways. It happens, but when straight people who are adamantly against gay marriage infer that us gays would ruin the sanctity and institution of marriage, all I can do is laugh. And I’m sure a lot of these people tune in to watch The Bachelor or Bachelorette. There’s a really good example of how we honor the institution of marriage between a man and a woman. It’s so hypocritical.

I would ask anyone who believes in a perfect all knowing, all loving God, to explain how they can say they’re serving God while they discriminate against one of God’s creations. And essentially in their hatred they’re saying that God made a mistake, and that a certain kind of love isn’t real or worth recognition. Sigh!

I don’t want this to come across as though I’m hating on the straights. That’s not the case at all. I’m just focused on those people who want what they want, but want to deny others those same aspirations, dreams, and opportunities because their sexual orientation is different than theirs. To those people I say good luck with that once you leave this life. That double standard and hatred isn’t going to make a cute halo. To those heterosexuals who get it, thank you my straight brothers and sisters!

For more information on Colton Ford, visit his facebook page or follow him on Twitter. All of Colton’s music is available on iTunes. Photos: Kevin McDermott.

Adult Guyd: Colton Ford on the Union of One