Director J.J. Abrams returns with Star Trek Into Darkness, the much anticipated sequel to 2009′s Star Trek. This time, Captain Kirk (Chris Pine), Spock (Zachary Quinto), and the rest of the crew of the Starship Enterprise are on a mission to track down a renegade from within their ranks in order to avoid an intergalactic war. Does this new Star Trek adventure deserve your dollars, or is it a huge black hole of a time-waster? Read on!

The Good: Now this is how 3D movies are supposed to be made! This film is stunning in IMAX 3D, with excellent cinematography and high-flying action scenes that don’t disappoint. The cast is strong, with most of them reprising their roles, as well as a few new additions, including Benedict Cumberbatch (BBC’s Sherlock) as nemesis John Harrison, and Robocop star Peter Weller as Marcus. The plot has a narrative that beautifully unfurls like a swirling galaxy yet takes plenty of suspenseful twists and turns. And just for the fans, the screenplay also draws some clever parallels to the original, second Star Trek movie - Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. 

The Gay: Quinto and Pine. Hotness. Along with their sizzling good looks, the bromance between Kirk and Spock is truly touching. (I admit that one pivotal scene near the end made me shed a tear. Oh how I dream to see a love scene between these two. Sigh.) And whoa, does Spock become all bad-ass! And by bad-ass, I mean hot piece of ass! Delicious.

Cumberbatch breathes a fiery sexiness into the dark and smoldering Harrison. Into Darkness? More like Into Tall, Dark, and Handsomeness! That epic fight scene between Cumberbatch and Quinto smoldered with such testosterone-laden fury that I needed a cold shower afterwards.

Zoe Saldana as Uhura was looking fierce! She worked those outfits like no one else could. Rihanna better take some style lessons from this girl! Werk!

The Bad: Not too much to report here. Perhaps some die-hard Trekkies would beg to differ, since Abrams really launches the franchise into a whole other dimension with this sequel. But overall, the film just works. Get used to it.

The Fugly: Um, Abrams, what is up with your fetish for lens flares?! Not only do you get them in this flick in abundance, but they’re in 3D! They were cool for the first five minutes of the film, but after that I just wanted to swipe them out of my field of view. Trés annoying.

Boldly go see it, or does Darkness fall? Go forth and prosper by purchasing tickets while you still can, preferably for the IMAX 3D screenings. This flick is stellar!

The Grade: A

Movie Guyd: Does “Star Trek Into Darkness” See the light?

Director Baz Luhrmann (Moulin Rouge, Romeo + Juliet) is back! This time, Baz goes all Cliff’s Notes by taking on a literary classic by F. Scott Fitzgerald and putting his signature spin on it – in 3D! So is The Great Gatsby really that great? Read on!

The Good: The visuals dazzle, especially in the first half of the film. Luhrmann does some interesting things using 3D, like the floating letters and text that pop out as the story is told. The movie sticks to the basic story, and boasts a star-studded cast, with Leonardo DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby, Tobey Maguire as Nick Carraway, and Carey Mulligan (Drive, An Education) as Daisy Buchanan.

The Gay: Maguire. Dapper realness. He was looking all adorable as Carraway, sporting dashing tweed suits and gorgeous bow ties (Tobey, I was so jealous of your wardrobe. Seriously jealous). DiCaprio was looking equally as dashing as Gatsby, and Aussie hunk Joe Edgerton was all beeftacular as Daisy’s brooding hubby, Tom. Even the ladies looked all glam, sporting 1920′s flapper realness. The costumes were stunningly gorgeous. Opulence at its finest.

The Bad: Wait a minute… I’ve seen this film before! It’s Moulin Rouge, but with no singing. It seems like Luhrmann just got lazy and tried to stuff a literary classic into the old Moulin Rouge storyboards instead of coming up with a new, fresh take on retelling Gatsby. I’m sorry, those dizzying party-scene shots and a thumping Jay-Z soundtrack do not make this retelling “fresh.” What worked in 2001 doesn’t work here.

The Fugly: DiCaprio’s accent. WTF was that? Half the time his painful attempt at an Oxford lilt would be really prominent, then it would completely disappear. And whenever he called Carraway “old sport” it kinda came off as “old spore.” And as dashing as DiCaprio is, his face is looking a little bloated.

Gatsby, Great or Groan? Sorry folks, but this old sport isn’t worth your time. After being bombarded by crazy party visuals in the first half of the film, you’re left with a languid, boring hangover of a movie in the end. And as cool as some of the 3D visuals are, skip the pricier ticket. Actually, skip paying for a ticket entirely and save it for a martini, cuz liquor ain’t as cheap as it was back in the “boring” ’20s.

The Grade: C

Movie Guyd: Is “Gatsby” All That Great?

In Iron Man 3, Robert Downey Jr brings the sexy back to face the consequences of past actions along with a new terror threat posed by the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley). Lethal Weapon writer Shane Black takes the helm as director to shake things up a bit. So does IM3 deserve your dimes, or is it just a rusty mess? Read on!

Movie Guyd: Is “Iron Man 3″ Solid or Rusty?

Hottie actor extraordinaire James Franco has taken the director’s seat and teamed up with gay film director Travis Mathews (I Want Your Love) to bring you an intriguing and steamy documentary-meets-hardcore-gay-sex-mashup entitled Interior: Leather Bar. Here’s the great news: All you GuySpy fans in Vancouver can enter to win a pair of tickets to the DOXA Festival screening on Friday, May 10*! All you have to do is answer the following question and send in your answer via email with your name and contact info by midnight PST, Sunday May 5, 2013 to contest@guyspy.com:

Name one movie that actor James Franco has starred in where he portrayed a gay character. 

Please note: You must be 19+ to attend this screening
Warning: Graphic Sexual Content

Here’s the official description of Interior: Leather Bar on the DOXA Festival website:

This latest outing from modern-day Renaissance Man, James Franco, is a rather curious documentary hybrid. The apocryphal story of the lost 40 minutes of footage cut from Cruising, the Al Pacino/William Friedkin film, forms the jumping-off point. But really that is only the beginning. Reality and fiction make for interesting bedfellows. One intermingles with the other until it is hard to say where documentary leaves off and fiction begins.

Franco and director Travis Mathews take it upon themselves, with help from a bevy of enthusiastic men in leather, to recreate the fabled lost footage. What ensues is a lot of men, boots, harnesses, and hardcore sex. What may come as a surprise, however, are the less showy moments of raw honesty. In conversations off set between the star (Val Lauren) and the filmmaker, sexual censorship, thespian motivation, and cultural as well as personal boundaries are discussed. What emerges from this process is a film that is unafraid to engage intimately with issues of sex, cinema, and identity. -DW

The film ends up being less an homage to an existing film than, like many other Franco projects, an examination of the creative act and a meditation on the nature of his own personal brand of celebrity, albeit one with a higher than usual erect penis quotient. — Indiewire

Awesome! Complicated, strange and avant-garde. — Gus Van Sant

One of the sharpest, best surprises of the [Sundance] festival, “Interior. Leather Bar.” is a serious yet playful hour-long deconstruction of the representation of homosexuality as viewed through the prism of Cruising… A self-aware exploration of masculine desire and cinematic representation. — The New York Times

For tickets and more info about this film and other DOXA films, visit the DOXA Festival website: www.doxafestival.ca 

*Two (2) pairs of tickets to the screening will be given away. Winners must reside in Canada and make their own way to the cinema and city to see the film. Prize is awarded as is and has no cash value.

Winners must correctly answer the above question.

No purchase necessary.

Win Passes to See “Interior: Leather Bar” in Vancouver!

OMG! Tom Cruise saves the world! Again! In Oblivion, the latest sci-fi romp from director Joseph Kosinski (Tron: Legacy),  Cruise plays military repairman Jack Harper, who is stationed on a post-apocalyptic, abandoned Earth in the year 2077. With the help of his loving partner Victoria (Andrea Riseborough), Jack is tasked with protecting the security of machines extracting the last remnants of energy from the world’s oceans to power human settlements on distant moons. With just two weeks to go until he rejoins his fellow humans in outer space, the unexpected arrival of an astronaut from the past named Julia (Olga Kurylenko, Quantum of Solace) throws Jack’s understanding of everything he believed to be true into disarray. Does Oblivion deserve your dollars or should you explore other movie options? Read on!

The Good: The visual aesthetic of the film is gorgeous. It’s beautifully shot, and the special effects are eye-poppingly realistic. Plus this movie has a stellar cast boasting big name actors such as Morgan Freeman as human resistance leader Beech and Melissa Leo as the omnipresent Sally. And I hate to admit it, but Cruise does give a solid performance here.

The Gay: Whoa. Lots of shirtless Cruise. From shower scenes to swimming in a pool, you get to see his bulging biceps and glistening chesticles all up close and personal. And hunky Danish actor Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Game of Thrones) slays us with his ruggedly dreamy looks and chiseled features as Sykes.

Plus the interior design of Jack and Victoria’s pad was like Phillipe Starck meets The Jetsons. Sleek, futuristic living at its finest. This is the dream home of the future that I’d want! Trés chic!

Also Riseborough and Kurylenko were so glam! Werk it, girls!

The Bad: As good looking as this film was, what was up with the plot?! Holy Xenu, that was lame! Even when the big plot twist is revealed, the film just falls flat; it kind of reminded me of the Mariah Carey “Heartbreaker” video, but with Cruise instead of Mimi. (Trust me, if you see this film, you’ll know what I mean.) This screenplay aspires to be a sci-fi masterpiece, but it’s undeniable that it was written on toilet paper.

The Fugly:  As gorgeous as it looks, why does this film seem like an inferior version of every other sci-fi film that came before it? Star Wars, The Matrix, Vanilla Sky, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Planet of the Apes, Alien, Wall-E… you name it! They’re all lovingly ripped off, mashed up and repackaged as Oblivion. Kosinski, just because it looks like it, doesn’t mean it’s gonna be as good as the real thing, honey. Just sayin’.

Oblivion or Oblivious? Well for the visuals alone, this movie is great to see on the big screen. I’m surprised it wasn’t filmed in 3D; it would’ve been cool to have seen some of those flying scenes and cool visual effects given the 3D treatment. But if you’re not a die-hard Cruise fan, I can’t really recommend going out of your way to see it. Even with all the explosion-laden battle scenes and stunning visual effects, the movie just left me feeling bored, deflated and a tad confused. Not because the plot was confusing, but because the point that this film was trying to make was completely lost in the end. It’s a pretty movie that’s one big imploding supernova of WTF. Let Oblivion just drift off into infinity and beyond and forget seeing this sci-fi snoozefest.

The Grade: C+

Movie Guyd: “Oblivion” or Oblivious?

Hot on the heels of trendsetters everywhere, it’s the return of the sport sock! For a while the sock trend was to not show any sock at all. But this season, geek chic wins, and those overexposed ankles are getting a taste of the latest tube sock threads. Not convinced? My recent trip to Topman begs to differ. Not an ankle in sight!

To celebrate the return of the sport sock, here are a few of the latest finds to help accessorize your ankles and show off your unique sense of style.

1. Faded Diamonds Sock – Happy Socks – www.happysocks.com – $12

So happy! So bright! So spring/summer 2013! What’s not to love? Sport these the next time you hit the gym or the local watering hole, and you’ll be turning heads and fielding compliments from all sides. 

2. Red Boat and Stripe Socks – Topman - us.topman.com – $10

Hey, Sailor! These socks sport a subtle quirkiness with a boat breaking through the waves of a traditional striped crew sock. Pair these up with your fave boat shoe for some fun nautical flair! 

3. Stripe calf-high sock – American Apparel – store.americanapparel.net - $8

You simply can’t beat the classic, laid-back style of these old-school sport socks. Bold, yet timeless, here’s style that doesn’t break the bank! Whether hitting up the ball court or the food court, pair these up with your fave pair of Chuck Taylors for a sporty throwback that scores! (Hairy calves not included.)

4. Lightweight shoes multi-pattern sock –  Corgi for J.Crew - jcrew.com – $28

Express your love of shoes with these high-quality, yet lightweight, socks from Corgi by pairing these up with your most prized dress shoe.

5. Pink Birdy Socks – Paul Smith - www.paulsmith.co.uk – $35

The iconic sock style of Paul Smith continues with these adorable socks just in time for nesting season. Put a bird on it and pair these with a pair of wing-tipped Oxfords or a cute pair of tennis shoes.

What do you think of the latest sock trends? Tweet your opinions to @ScienceOfSmut and use #socktrend in your tweets! Or comment below!

Trendspotting: Sock It Up!

The North American tour of Billy Elliot: The Musical continues to travel across the United States and Canada, and I had the chance to take in a performance in Vancouver (finally!). Based on the hit film of the same name about a Northern England coalminer’s son who gives up boxing for ballet lessons, Elliot was adapted for the stage by the film’s original director, Stephen Daldry, and writer Lee Hall (book and lyrics), who teamed up with Elton John (music) to produce this international stage sensation that has since racked up four Olivier Awards and ten Tony Awards, including Best Musical. So does Billy deserve your dollars or should you sashay away from this show? Read on!

THE GOOD: The North American touring cast features four child actors who alternate the role of Billy, due to the physical demands of the show; Drew Minard took on the titular role at the performance I attended, and his boyish vulnerability combined with his tremendous dancing ability was spellbinding. Minard’s Act Two Swan Lake pas de deux with Billy’s older self (performed by a gorgeously hunktacular Maximilien A. Baud) was both beautifully touching and breathtaking; it was undeniable that true talent was on display here!

Other standouts include Janet Dickinson as Billy’s dance teacher Mrs. Wilkinson, who boasts amazing comedic timing, Rich Hebert as Dad, who delivers a heartbreaking rendition of “Deep into the Ground” in Act Two, and Patti Perkins as the crude but adorable Grandma.

But the real standout here is the phenomenal choreography by Peter Darling. The dance numbers are brilliantly dazzling!

Janet Dickinson (Mrs. Wilkinson), Drew Minard (Billy), Samantha Blaire Cutler (Debbie), and the cast of Billy Elliot the Musical. Photo by Amy Boyle.

THE GAY: Billy’s best friend Michael, performed by Jake Kitchin at this performance, was a definite scene stealer, especially during “Expressing Yourself,” which is a gloriously fabulous ode to cross dressing! And the way that Michael comes out to Billy will truly melt your heart.

And the company features a bunch of hunky hotties, especially the aformentioned Baud. Those legs, those tights… whoa!

THE BAD: John’s score works in the context of the show, but the songs themselves just aren’t memorable enough. I felt that the alterations made to Ian MacNeil’s set design to accomodate smaller stages while on the road made the staging cramped. Plus, this show is so authentically British, it might be a tad confusing for a North American audience to comprehend; I definitely struggled at times trying to understand those thick Northern English accents. If you’ve seen the film you know what I mean. Hello, English subtitles!

THE FUGLY: Those awful ’80s, dance-inspired outfits that Mrs. Wilkinson sports are so fugly they’re fabulous! There’s sheer hilarity in the brilliance of awful clothing trends!

BILLY OR BUST?: Minor gripes aside, Billy Elliot: The Musical delivers a truly inspiring, heartfelt, and crowd-pleasing night of entertainment. It boasts a solid cast with a dazzling display of dancing and acting talent. If you’re in a town where Billy will be visiting you, make sure to snatch up tickets!

Stops on the Billy Elliot tour include:

April 9-14, 2013 – SACRAMENTO, CA
April 16-28, 2013 – COSTA MESA, CA
April 30-May 5, 2013 – SAN DIEGO, CA

For full tour dates and to purchase tickets, check out http://www.billyelliottour.com/us-tour

Theater Guyd: Does “Billy Elliot” Have Legs?

The digital dinosaurs are back! The groundbreaking dino blockbuster Jurassic Park is celebrating its 20th anniversary (OMG, has it really been 20 years? Whoa, time flies!), and Steven Spielberg and the crew at Universal Studios have given this thrill ride of a flick the 3D treatment, along with a full digital restoration. So does this three-dimensional reissue warrant a revisit to Jurassic Park, or is this refresh a cheap gimmick to devour your dollars? Read on!

The Good: Wow! This film looks amazing! It was like this film was meant to be in 3D from the get-go. From the opening scenes to the end of the movie, the 3D effect gives this movie an overall feeling of depth and realism; it’s like looking at the original film with a new pair of lenses after wearing the wrong prescription for 20 years. The film restoration is gorgeous, with the beautiful jungle scenery looking so stunningly lush and the dinosaurs looking more real than they ever did (and they looked so lifelike back in 1993!). JP3D just sparkles!

This movie is meant to be seen in a theater. It was so great to relive the spectacle on the big screen with booming, digital surround sound. And I’ve totally forgotten how frightening this movie can be! There are truly terrifying moments, and I found my heart racing full throttle at times.

The Gay: Sexy Jeff Goldblum. The infamous scene where a wounded Dr. Ian Malcolm is laying atop a table with his bare chest showing through his shirt, glistening in sweat, is so silly, yet ever so sexy. Especially in 3D. Delicious.

Sam Neill as paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant still looks dreamy as ever, and the late Bob Peck as raptor hunter Robert Muldoon looks wooftacularly daddylicious sporting sexy safari gear, complete with tight, short sleeves and rolled up khaki shorts. Talk about legs like whoa!

And wow, Laura Dern looked fab in 1993, rocking that paleobotanist-chic garb as Dr. Ellie Satler. She was sportin some sexy stems there! Legs for days, I tell ya! Fierce!

The Bad: None. It’s the dino flick that we loved back then, and is even more loveable now that the cheesy scenes and lines have become so ingrained in pop culture that they’ve amassed a cult following. Anything bad about the film has evolved over time to sheer enjoyable greatness!

The Fugly: It’s not so much fugly as it is funny, but those ’90s technology references such as CD-ROMs and UNIX systems are so cringeworthy, they’re hilarious. (I dread the day my nephews ask me what a CD-ROM is…).

Has Jurassic Park evolved, or should it go extinct? All you Jurassic Park fans should crack open your original 1993 JP raptor coin banks and cash in those pennies for a ticket and a pair of 3D glasses; it’s a definite walk down memory lane, and you’ll be cheering at all the great moments in the film. If you’ve been living in the Stone Age and haven’t seen this iconic movie yet, quit being such a dinosaur and get your butt to the cineplex! If you have any younger siblings, nephews, nieces, sons, and daughters who can handle scary movies (it is PG-13 after all), take them on a magical journey back in time where dinosaurs ruled the box office. And with this 3D refresh, history definitely deserves to repeat itself. GO SEE IT!

The Grade: A

Movie Guyd: Did “Jurassic Park” Evolve in 3D?

Quite frankly, I’m surprised that they actually made a sequel to the abysmal first G.I.Joe movie. But here it is! In G.I. Joe: Retaliation, the very existence of the G.I. Joes is at stake, when a covert plot by the evil COBRA decimates the entire squadron except for a few survivors led by Roadblock, played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The existing Joes band together with the help of General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis) to amass a counterstrike and save the world against COBRA. Will the G.I Joes prove to be real American heroes? And is this flick worth your dollars? Read on!

The Good: This time, director Jon M. Chu (Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, Step Up 3D) sticks more closely to the original franchise’s source material instead of the futuristic tech-laden direction that the first film took. And for the most part it works. The epic, high-flying ninjas on the mountain battle scene is eye-popping. This film also boasts some notable cast members, such as stage and screen star Jonathan Pryce (Evita, Miss Saigon on Broadway), as the President, Arnold Vosloo (The Mummy, Blood Diamond) as villainous master of disguise Zartan, and rapper RZA as the Blind Master. Last but not least, Channing Tatum returns as Duke, the leader of the G.I. Joes.

The Gay: Johnson’s bulging biceps and amazing chest, newcomer D.J. Cotrona’s dreamy chiseled features as the handsome hunk Flint, and Storm Shadow’s (Byung-hun Lee) glistening abs all equal a big wowza! Throw in some Tatum and Willis and Voila! Beefcake smorgasbord. Plus, Joseph Mazzello (yes, the boy from Jurassic Park is all grown up) as Mouse is totally adorkable. Super cute! (I’m such a sucker for those cute, boy-next-door types. Too bad we don’t see him too long).

Oh yeah, and Adrianne Palicki (Legion) as Jaye was channeling Jessica Rabbit in that ravishing red dress. So glamorous!

The Bad: The plot is paper thin, and the narrative is unneccesarily convoluted at times. Do we really need the whole ninja subplot? Don’t try to make us use our brains just for the sake of trying to be an intelligent and witty movie. That’s just confusing. Just blow shizz up already!

Most of the screentime is spent on Johnson cavorting with a bunch of newcomers, which means fans of Tatum will be disappointed because he’s hardly around to give us his magic. Even Willis is barely in the movie! I wonder what their hourly rates are? Hmm.

The Fugly: Uh, the plot? I dunno, but sometimes this movie came off as slightly racist. I’m surprised, seeing that this movie is directed by an Asian-American director. The shame!

Go for Joe, or run for cover? Overall, this popcorn flick does what it’s supposed to. You want explosions? High-flying battle scenes? You got it! People who aren’t fans of the franchise or action films in general should stay away. If you do go to see it, apart from a few pieces of shrapnel and slain ninjas flying at you, you could do without seeing it in 3D. But, Scouts honor, this movie is rental fodder. And now you know, and knowing is half the battle!

The Grade: C+

Movie Guyd: Does “G.I. JOE” Retaliate or Repulse?

Forget sparkly vampires and ab-tacular werewolves. It’s all about the aliens in The Host. The writer of the Twilight saga, Stephenie Meyer, and the director of Gattaca, Andrew Niccol, bring you this teen tale of alien invasion that sees the Earth being taken over by parasitic alien beings called “souls.” Meanwhile, pockets of human resistance exist and are fighting back. After a failed battle with the aliens, one of these resisters, Melanie (Saoirse Ronan, who was nominated for an Oscar for her role in Atonement), is implanted with a soul called The Wanderer (“Wanda” for short) in order to tap into Melanie’s memories to aid the aliens. They are led by The Seeker (Diane Kruger, National Treasure), to find the other resisters. Melanie’s strong will leads Wanda to the desert in an effort to protect the ones that she loves from being discovered. Should you take a turn on this tale of alien body snatchers meets teen romance? Read on!

The Good: The cast is lead by Ronan, who does a good job at acting out the dueling roles of Wanda/Melanie. And that’s about it for the good.

The Gay: The guys that make up the love triangle are hot! Max Irons, who plays dark and beefy Jared, and Jake Abel, who plays hunky blond Ian, are super delicious. I was totally jealous of Ronan when she got to kiss both of these dudes in succession. Seriously jealous.

The Bad: Oh boy. This entire movie screams bad. The plot falls thin, there’s no real dramatic tension, the love triangle is preposterous and groan-inducing, and it’s boring. Heck, as bad as the five Twilight films were, they at least had an air of fun about them. I blame the source material by Meyer. Horrendous.

The Fugly: What’s up with those fugly bright blue halo contacts to distinguish the aliens from the humans? Why do the aliens have to all wear white and have a penchant for shiny, platinum vehicles? If they’re an advanced alien race, why are all their advanced spray-on medicines written in English? Why do I even bother asking these questions? Gah! Plus, the inner dialogue that Wanda/Melanie have is horrendous, oftentimes coming off like complaints from a bratty tween instead of a genuine internal struggle. Those voiceovers are truly hideous! And Kruger’s acting. Ugh, I can’t go on. Too much fugly in this movie to bear.

The Host with the most, or avoid this invite? Don’t bother wasting your hard-earned or even gift dollars on this flick. Even if an alien race has invaded your mind and compels your body to want to see this movie, resist its urges and don’t give in to the lure of this dreadful piece of fluff. No, seriously. Get out of the movie house.

The Grade: C-

Movie Guyd: Should You Resist “The Host”?