I spent the last week in a training course on Training. I am now a corporate trainer.

Awesome.

In the course we learned how to design a lesson plan. During the week we had to create 2 mini lesson plans and present them to the rest of the class. I was taught how to blow bubbles, braid hair and make paper airplanes. I set myself out as the odd man when I presented “How to be a Good Liar” and “How to Make Literal Versions of Videos and Upload Them to YouTube”. It didn’t help that when we were being taught how to Belly Dance I turned out to be the star pupil. The instructor told me I give good belly, which I already knew.

One of my fellow students turned out to be an ex drug addict/street thug/Gang member who was turning his life around after being stabbed in the neck and beating within an inch of his life. His story was pretty amazing and I would have been very inspired by him had he not been and absolute prick. He spoke to everyone in the class as if we knew nothing and had no function in life. He felt above us because he was being groomed by the BC government to be a mentor to troubled youth. From all the gay jokes and sexist remarks he made the youth are in trouble.

I know I should be supportive of his journey and I should have some sort of soft spot but I don’t. When I think of all the people he hurt, killed or whose life he destroyed by the aftermath of his actions, seeing him speak like a hero to the young made me a little sick. One of his lessons was on self defense and he chose a female partner to demonstrate with. He showed us punches and kicks and how to stab someone in the throat with keys. Valuable information? Possibly. But he was SO violent in his demonstration; stopping just short of the poor girls face when throwing a punch and actually grabbing her throat when showing us how to get out of a choke hold, that it made everyone uncomfortable. It was like a Facts of Life episode gone horribly wrong.

His last lesson was basically the presentation he was going to give to the youth he will meet in his role as mentor. It was on ‘Drug Addiction/Mental Health’. The forward slash was my first red flag. He started throwing crazy numbers at us with no source to verify them. For example; did you know that 1 in 4 people in Vancouver will be institutionalized at some point in their life or that 8% of the population is already in an institution? Crazy. The straw that broke my camel back was when he spoke about how to prevent young people from succumbing to Drug Addiction/Mental Health.

“At the moment they have their first episode, you lock them in a room and tell them about how the road they are headed down will destroy them and everyone they love.”

I, and the instructor of the class, had to say something. I asked him why he would feel it helpful to scare the life out of someone having mental health issues. The instructor asked if he was trying to get them to commit suicide.

His response?

“Well, the government equates drug addiction and mental health.”

No they fucking don’t you stupid egotistical, delusional, greasy, ex gang banger who thinks his shit covered hand is the right one to lift the youth out of the mire.

 

But at least I’m a corporate trainer now.