Sex Guyd David Pevsner answers your sex questions with a touch of anal.
Queer: I love to suck cock, but I hate to get sucked. I don’t know if that’s normal, but it turns a lot of guys off. Should I smile and take it or admit that it’s a turn-off?
Anal: If it’s a first time beau or trick, smile and take it … rather, let him take it, and you may find the guy who gives you the BJ you never dreamed possible. Perhaps you’ve just never been with someone who really knows how to give it. If it still doesn’t work for you, and it’s a trick, move onto other things like pleasuring him or letting him put that mouth to work other places. It’s all a dance anyway when you first fuck around with someone new. However, if this is someone who you think might be a repeater, either for FB status or relationshipiness, then you have every right to say something; just don’t do it while it’s happening. If you’re at a point where you actually say hello to each other before the naked fun, let him know it’s not your favorite thing and that it has nothing to do with his technique. There are only a gazillion other means of deliciousness to pleasure each other. And if he not being able to blow you becomes a huge issue, perhaps this problem isn’t just about the BJ.
Queer: Other than tons of lube, is there a good way to relax my ass before I bottom? I love the final result but for the first few minutes I feel like I’m giving birth.
Anal: Training, training, training. Don’t wait for that big hard pole of humanity, especially if it’s a sporadic event. In between, make use of dildos and butt plugs and anything else that will help stretch you out and get you used to opening up sooner. Another great way to get relaxed is to spend time opening yourself up, finger by finger, while he watches. Yes, Mr. Porn Star, put on a show. Generously lube ‘em up and put one finger, then two, then three, put the whole goddamned hand inside if you can while you look him straight in the eyes. Then, when you’re good and ready, let him take over, and you’ll be open (literally and figuratively) for whatever the now wide-eyed, drooling, rock-hard fucker wants to give you. Finally…enjoy it!
Queer: When’s the best time to ask a guy if he’s HIV-Positive? On the first date? When we’re kissing? When we start to actually have sex? I want to make sure I ask the question in a socially responsible way.
Anal: That is certainly a touchy subject, and it all depends on what that info does to you. Gotta be real here, and this answer will not thrill all of you readers, but it’s based on conversations I’ve had with men over the years. Ideally, it’s not an issue between you if you are one neg and one poz, and it just becomes information. In which case, ask any time you want and let him know if he is poz, it’s not an issue with you as long as you’re safe. If it is something that might affect you and how you interact with him, and you’re just going to be a nervous Nelly throughout, perhaps you need to beg off before any nakedness ensues, and ask his status before you decide to leave the bar or get offline. If it’s going to be uncomfortable for you, it’s certainly going to be uncomfortable for him and even maybe a bit offensive.
And, by the way, just because someone says they’re negative doesn’t mean they are. Besides not knowing when they were tested, they just might not want to share their status in an honest way. It’s up to you to protect yourself, and as far as I’m concerned, just always have safe sex. I personally don’t get this need to bareback: I’ve had more than one supposed safe-sex acolyte try to push it inside me ungloved, and it makes me want to deck him. Try to at least be specific about what particular hanky-panky will give you pause, make your boundaries, and stick to them. Base them on what you know you will feel like after you’ve shot, he’s left, and you’re alone with yourself to either bask in the joy of what just ensued or stay up all night wondering what the hell you did.
If you have a sex question for David, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.