6 Reasons Why John Travolta Is Gay!

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July 28, 2014
6:00 a.m.

Story Courtesy Of Graham Gremore

The seemingly never-ending speculation about John Travolta’s sexuality raged on this week when a man claiming to be the actor’s ex-lover filed a lawsuit for the right to out him in a new tell-all memoir.

Douglas Gotterba told the National Enquirer that he had an intimate “love affair” with the A-lister back in the mid ’80s. In 1987, he signed a confidentiality agreement saying he would never, ever, ever talk about their relationship. He’s now challenging that contract in a California court.

John Travolta’s camp calls Gotterba’s allegations “ridiculous” and says that they are “confident that in the end we will prevail.” But this is not the first (or second, or third, or fourth, or fifteenth) time the actor has been rumored to have engaged in homosexual behavior.

We get it. When John Travolta was first coming up in Hollywood in the 1970s, it was a different era. There were no openly gay leading men. But times have changed. The industry has been actively embracing LGBT entertainers for the better part of a decade. It’s time for ol’ Johnny boy to join the club.

John Travolta, if you’re reading, here are six reasons why it’s time to throw in the towel and just admit what everyone knows to be true.

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He’d have guys lining up at the door to date him.

Sure, he may not be as sexy and fit as he was 35 years ago, but then again, who is? If he laid off the cosmetic surgery and ditched the hair plugs, he’d still be a very attractive older gentleman. As is, he’s not terrible-looking. We’re sure there are plenty of gay men out there who’d love an opportunity to date Danny Zuko. And besides, the fact that he’s loaded, talented, and, from what we can tell, a genuinely nice person more than makes up for his addiction to Botox.

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He’d make serious bank.

Speaking of being loaded, we’d bet People magazine would pay an easy $10 to $20 million for his first official “coming out” interview. He could follow that up with a few paid TV sit-downs, a seven-figure book deal, and maybe even a speaking tour. Celebrity Net Worth ranks John Travolta as being worth approximately $165 million. After an official coming out media tour, he could easily bring that number up to a solid $200 million.

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He wouldn’t have to shove his butt in his masseurs’ faces anymore.

As an openly gay man, he would no longer have to rely on (allegedly) paying for secret erotic massages to get his rocks off. (Unless, of course, that’s his thing.) He also wouldn’t have to worry about his various male masseurs talking to the press, or having to pay them off when they threaten to sue for sexual harassment.

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He’d be free of the chains and fetters of the Church of Scientology.

Many people have long speculated that the reason John Travolta has remained in the closet all these decades is because of his close ties to the Church of Scientology, which has strict policies against homosexuality. If he were to come out, he could simultaneously rid himself of the cult that’s been holding him captive for nearly 40 years.

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Kelly Preston, too, would be free.

John Travolta and Kelly Preston were married in 1991. Their marriage has widely been considered one of convenience, with people alleging that she is his beard and he was her ticket to Hollywood stardom. Is the marriage a sham? Nobody knows for certain. Except, of course, for the two parties involved. But we will say that a Hollywood marriage lasting 25 years certainly isn’t the norm. If Travolta were to finally come out, Preston would be freed from her gilded cage. After two and a half decades of marital imprisonment, she could date an actual heterosexual male, have sex, experience a real orgasm, and all that other great stuff that comes along with being a sexy, sexually reawakened, middle-aged woman.

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The gay community would welcome him with open arms.

If John Travolta were to finally say the words: “Yep, I’m gay!” he would be immediately embraced by the gay community. As any right wingnut will tell you, we’re constantly recruiting. We love new members. And we’d love to have him as part of our fold.

Johnny boy, the party is waiting for you. Come join the fun. Give us a holla!

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