I have to say that I really haven’t gotten into the holiday spirit this season. Just too many things to process and focus on right now, and when I think of Christmas I immediately go to all the loss I’ve experienced this year. I’ve been processing it all, but that takes time and the holidays always seem to amplify things.
I am very happy to be spending Christmas Eve with my cousin Julie, and Christmas day with my family. It will be very nice to have all of us together, especially with this being the first year we’ll be celebrating without my mother. I remember the holidays when I was growing up. They were so special and magical, and set the bar so high. Jesus! The innocence of my youth, all the great family gatherings, getting tons of gifts and the excitement around getting all of them, amazing food, essentially no real worries or responsibilities. A very difficult standard to try and live up to, and one that you can’t expect to re-create again as an adult.
Think we all have a fantasy of what we ultimately want the holidays to be, and depending on how deep the desire and expectation is, the season can be very difficult to embrace and truly enjoy. With the pressures of our world today and with the extended family dynamic a reality for most of us, it can be near impossible to navigate the schedules and geography of everyone to calendar a gathering. Now if you have friends and family who can’t understand that you may not be able to make their event because of too many other commitments, your holidays can be even more complicated, stressful and full of drama! Co-dependency runs amok!
I recognize that what I get out of Christmas is what I put into it, just like life. I’m trying to allow myself to feel that whimsical, happy, joyful, and playful energy that I felt so readily as a child. I am consciously taking the time to appreciate the season, be grateful, and allow the moments to happen. I’m committing to the things that I can handle this holiday, and not taking on any more than that. And I am looking forward to giving gifts to my little niece and nephew! There’s a lot of joy in that and it’s always a hoot!!
So to all of you, I wish you joy and the very best this holiday season. I’m grateful to be able to share with you! To my friends and family, Happy Holidays, I love you and I’m so grateful to have you in my life. To those whom I love and with whom I’m unable to share this holiday with, I send you love and peace, and I hold on dearly to the memories. xo