Cristiano Ronaldo: New Statue Is Sporting Major Bulge

Guest Guyd
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December 24, 2014
6:00 a.m.

Story Courtesy Of Dan Tracer

Roughly 580 miles east of Morocco is the tiny Portuguese island of Maderia, where as of this week you will find something not-so-tiny if you visit the southern city of Funchal.

There, in all its glory, is a new statue of hometown-boy-made-good Cristiano Ronaldo. And just in time for the holidays, it comes complete with an enormous package.

The statue was erected outside a museum dedicated to the sex god soccer star that houses mementos and awards from his career including his two Ballon D’Or titles, awarded to him as the world’s best player in 2008 and 2013.

But if we are to believe this is an accurate representation of him, the real trophy is whatever is hidden under those soccer shorts, because damn.

Here’s the full picture:


And to prove that Cristiano Ronaldo gets to have his dick and eat it, too, here he is slicing into his own crotch. Funny, we wouldn’t have gone for the waistband:


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