Contrary to popular belief, being a gay man isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Our lives may seem like a day at the beach compared to some, but there are plenty of grievances homosexual men face on a regular basis. And, no, we don’t mean dealing with things like bigoted bakers who refuse to make us wedding cakes or homophobic federal judges who choose to uphold their state’s same-sex marriage bans. We’re talking about those minor, everyday annoyances that plague our otherwise fabulous lives.
Check out these 10 totally obnoxious things you have to be gay to fully understand. And feel free to add more in the comments section below.
Gay Problems: 10. Straight girls at gay bars.
Everyone know that gay bars are superior to straight bars. The guys are cuter. The music is better. And the drinks are stronger. So we completely understand why straight girls are drawn to them. But, ladies, if you’re reading, let’s just get one thing straight: You’re welcome to hang out in our space, but don’t expect us to fulfill your personal Sex-and-the-City/Will-&-Grace/gay best friend bullshit fantasy. Stay off the tables. Keep the squealing to a minimum. And please, for the love of Jesus, don’t make out with each other in front of us.
Gay Problems: 9. How XTube automatically assumes you’re straight and defaults to hetero porn.
Seriously, it’s kinda obnoxious.
Gay Problems: 8. Endless, meaningless banter on Grindr.
Grindr exists for one reason and one reason alone: For guys to get laid. Immediately. So if all you’re interested in doing is carrying on endless chatter with an online stranger for hours on end, then, please, go back to the 90’s and find yourself a chat room.
Gay Problems: 7. Superbowl halftime shows that don’t feature fabulous gay divas.
Bruno Mars’ 2014 Super Bowl halftime performance was nothing to frown at, but it paled in comparison to the spectacles put on by both Madonna in 2012 and Beyonce in 2013. Here’s hoping the NFL gets it together and picks another fabulous gay diva for 2015.
Gay Problems: 6. The fact the Janet Jackson hasn’t released an album in six years.
Speaking of the Super Bowl and fabulous gay divas, what ever happened to Janet Jackson? (Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty!) The chart-topping Control-freak hasn’t offered up any new tunes since 2008’s Discipline which, if we’re being really honest, left much to be desired. Here’s hoping the dancing queen makes a comeback soon, otherwise we’re going to be pissed.
Gay Problems: 5. Straight go-go dancers.
It’s just cruel.
Gay Problems: 4. The phrase “Truvada whore.”
Okay, not to get all serious and stuff, but… Just because someone takes Truvada doesn’t make them a whore. And even if they are a whore, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Gay Problems: 3. Guys who refuse to share a face pic.
It doesn’t matter how toned your torso is, if you’re not going to send a picture of your face then the deal’s off. Showing just a peek of forehead or the bottom half of your chin doesn’t count. And, no, claiming to be “VGL” and/or promising that nobody has ever been disappointed is not enough of a guarantee.
Gay Problems: 2. Being called “bro.”
While bromances between straight dudes and gay guys may be on the rise, sometimes it can still be a little awkward when a straight guy offers a fist bump and says, “What’s up, bro?” A period of uncomfortable silence typically ensues as the gay man wonders what to do next and the straight man realizes he’s just mistaken a gay guy for a heterosexual.
Gay Problems: 1. The moment you realize… You’re both bottoms.
Most. Obnoxious. Thing. Ever!