Hasselhoff Returns: The Terrifying Wax Figure Of The Hoff In Berlin
The 25th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall is this weekend and to commemorate that important event in history, some evil motherfucker thought it would be a really good idea to set up this dark-sided wax siphoner of souls in front of Brandenburg Gate.
Since David Hasselhoff single-handedly brought East Berlin and West Berlin together when he performed at the Berlin Wall in 1989 while wearing a glamorous piano scarf and Lite Brite jacket, he’s expected to burp out some speech (while eating a cheeseburger, I’m sure) at a peace conference in Germany on Saturday. I hope Germany’s adopted golden child likes speaking to a crowd of no one (‘Eh, I never notice” – The Hoff), because everyone’s going to bust out of Germany as soon as they see this waxed monster in person:
Why does it look like it’s saying, “Heeeeeeeeere’s Hoffy!”
That thing looks like Bruce Jenner’s clenched asshole. The people of Germany are going to petition to bring back the Berlin Wall and build it around that nightmare inwax leather. Once it leaves, Micaela Schaeffer is going to have a hell of a timecleansing that square of dark-sidedness with her angelic nipples.
With all that being said, yes, yes, I’d still hit it.
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