Movie Guyd: Should You Resist “The Host”?

Jay Catterson
Authored by
Jay Catterson

April 1, 2013
8:40 p.m.

Forget sparkly vampires and ab-tacular werewolves. It’s all about the aliens in The Host. The writer of the Twilight saga, Stephenie Meyer, and the director of Gattaca, Andrew Niccol, bring you this teen tale of alien invasion that sees the Earth being taken over by parasitic alien beings called “souls.” Meanwhile, pockets of human resistance exist and are fighting back. After a failed battle with the aliens, one of these resisters, Melanie (Saoirse Ronan, who was nominated for an Oscar for her role in Atonement), is implanted with a soul called The Wanderer (“Wanda” for short) in order to tap into Melanie’s memories to aid the aliens. They are led by The Seeker (Diane Kruger, National Treasure), to find the other resisters. Melanie’s strong will leads Wanda to the desert in an effort to protect the ones that she loves from being discovered. Should you take a turn on this tale of alien body snatchers meets teen romance? Read on!

The Good: The cast is lead by Ronan, who does a good job at acting out the dueling roles of Wanda/Melanie. And that’s about it for the good.

The Gay: The guys that make up the love triangle are hot! Max Irons, who plays dark and beefy Jared, and Jake Abel, who plays hunky blond Ian, are super delicious. I was totally jealous of Ronan when she got to kiss both of these dudes in succession. Seriously jealous.

The Bad: Oh boy. This entire movie screams bad. The plot falls thin, there’s no real dramatic tension, the love triangle is preposterous and groan-inducing, and it’s boring. Heck, as bad as the five Twilight films were, they at least had an air of fun about them. I blame the source material by Meyer. Horrendous.

The Fugly: What’s up with those fugly bright blue halo contacts to distinguish the aliens from the humans? Why do the aliens have to all wear white and have a penchant for shiny, platinum vehicles? If they’re an advanced alien race, why are all their advanced spray-on medicines written in English? Why do I even bother asking these questions? Gah! Plus, the inner dialogue that Wanda/Melanie have is horrendous, oftentimes coming off like complaints from a bratty tween instead of a genuine internal struggle. Those voiceovers are truly hideous! And Kruger’s acting. Ugh, I can’t go on. Too much fugly in this movie to bear.

The Host with the most, or avoid this invite? Don’t bother wasting your hard-earned or even gift dollars on this flick. Even if an alien race has invaded your mind and compels your body to want to see this movie, resist its urges and don’t give in to the lure of this dreadful piece of fluff. No, seriously. Get out of the movie house.

The Grade: C-

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