Hey boys, I just know you guys are gonna love this article! I don’t usually publish stuff on our friendly competition but I’m pretty sure OkCupid is a straight website anyways so yeah..
It’s Monday, which means it’s time for your daily dose of WTF from OkCupid, the site that brings people together to find love but also ask potential romantic partners for some very specific, very odd things without any provocation. Today’s tale of romantic terror is not for the faint of heart.
Posted on CreepyPMs (my favorite subreddit besides cringepics and thathappened), the following OkCupid message was an opener the recipient would never forget, no matter how many times they would try. (And trust me, I would also try.)
Listen, I am not into judging anyone for their sexual proclivities (unless they involve pooping corn and then eating it), but if you’re going to stuff an entire stick of pepperoni up your ass while someone watches, you’re going to have to ease them into it. You can’t just open with “hey, I was at the supermarket recently and thought how great it would be to stick an entire stick of meat up my butt up my butt. Luckily, it was on sale! You in, total stranger?” No! You must have some nice conversation about shared mutual interests and favorite books before you drop the unsliced meat on someone. Wait until the person is into you (figuratively) before you invite them to watch you snap into a Slim Jim.
Of course, there are websites that cater to this sort of thing as well. I’ve seen them. But I bet the unsolicited message and the shocked reply might be a factor in this. Just a guess.
And just a few more concerns: Pepperoni, as one commenter points out, is expensive, especially if it is artisanal. Why waste it? Or will it be used for food after? Also, pepperoni is usually spiced so won’t that hurt your insides, dude? Why do I have so many questions and why is the image of a man giving anal birth to a stick of processed meat not leaving my mind? WHY?